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Natomas Messenger

The Controversy of Free-Range Parenting

Nov 12, 2015 12:00AM ● By Lanaya Nilsson

Watching children as they experience the joys of childhood is an inherent right of all parents. But one question that a growing number of parents are asking is: “Do I need to fear for my kids?”

Most people are familiar with the term “helicopter” to describe a parenting style where an adult “hovers” over their child to the point of hindering his growth process, and taking control over the child’s life. Some information and studies claim “helicopter” parenting stunts kids’ growth, leaving them prone to problems like depression and anxiety, as well as contributing to anger issues in young adulthood; such issues are contributed to not having had the freedom growing up necessary to develop skills to manage the pressures of independent life.

In response, there is an emerging movement called “Free-Range Parenting” (also referred to as “slow” and “simplistic” parenting), gaining momentum and proponents from all over the nation. Free-range parenting is the concept of raising children by encouraging them to function independently in proper relation to their age and developmental phase, while accepting the realities of the risks involved.

The movement began eight years ago when a writer for the New York Sun, Lenore Skenazy, wrote the article “Why I Let My 9 year Old Ride the Subway Alone.” The piece had very strong reactions from both the public and media. Within days Skenazy was on several major news shows defending her parenting style. She followed by writing the book “Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had without Going Nuts with Worry.”

Skenazy is considered the founder of the Free-Range Parenting movement.

“I am of course not against safety,” said Skenazy. “I believe in using car seats and helmets when riding bikes or scooters. In fact, at every baby shower I attend I bring the expectant mother a fire extinguisher. …But what I am against is our culture’s constant pushing of dangers that are not real into parents’ minds.

“A kid can’t walk down the street to school or a friend’s house for fear of being kidnapped or his parents being arrested for neglect—like the case of a Maryland couple who faced charges when their two children walked home alone. Plus, parents are bombarded with warnings daily in the news and online. It’s not surprising that so many parents are hovering over children. We have become a fear culture.”

Skenazy goes on to say that following the media frenzy around her article, she was dubbed “World’s Worst Mom,” also now the name of her show on Discovery Life.

“It is simply not true that I ‘don't care’ about my children’s safety,” defends Skenazy. “I just don’t think our kids need a security detail, nor do I believe they are in constant danger. …Just because I don’t conger up images of the worst thing possible happening to my kids, does not mean I am cold-hearted or even brave, but rather I try to make choices based on my reality, not my imagination.”

When asked for her suggestions to help families to be more “free-range” she said, “When I speak at schools, which I do often, I tell educators and parents (and kids) to encourage independence by letting a child do something new like running an errand, having free play outside, or riding public transportation. And-when he accomplishes these tasks and comes home beaming, it changes the parents too; because pride is stronger than fear.”

Skenazy will continue educating to replace scared parents with proud ones, and apprehensive children into self-reliant kids. Her website is www.freerangekids.com and features information, articles, free-range parent (FRP) connections, and more.

One criticism of free-range parenting is that its advocates are too focused on the rarity child abductions by strangers and ignore the dramatic drop in child deaths from unintentional injuries in the past 50 years. Another criticism is that free-range parenting has taken the ideas and philosophies too far, and underestimates the risks to children in today’s society.

One member (preferring to remain anonymous) of a local free-range parenting group, called Greater East Sacramento Free-Range Parents (which can be found on Facebook), talked about his experiences with the movement:

“I don’t consider [free-range parenting] to be anything new,” he said. “I think historically here—and throughout the world—most parents would consider ‘free-range’ to just be ‘parenting.’...My own parents would be considered ‘free-range’ by today’s standards. I was walking to school by third grade and a ‘latchkey’ kid by fourth, and most my summers were spent on my bike all day exploring; sometimes not even knowing where I was.”

When asked what the biggest influence that free-range parenting has had on his family he replied: “I don’t think that [free-range parenting] is about letting children run wild without rules, but rather it is a reminder that confidence in children is built by doing for themselves, and as a parent to a preschooler I already see the strong character developing in her with independent action and learning skills, which in turn is building her self-esteem.”

Kathy Shultz, the moderator of the Greater East Sacramento Free-Range Parents Facebook page, also had some input: “I became involved with [free-range parenting] due to my association with the Children in Nature movement, which along with encouraging kids to get into nature, stresses giving them unstructured time to explore, too. So it probably came about in relation to that.”

Shultz talked about her family’s experience, saying: “My son has played outside since he was younger than what is considered ‘acceptable,’ and when he was older I allowed him to go to the corner store on his own. He chats up strangers in public, too!”

Regarding the future of free-range parenting, she said, “My hope is that it is accepted. My great fear is of being reported. But my son is tall for his age, so the things I let him do may not raise as many eyebrows as if he was average or small for his age.”

Parenting styles have become controversial, causing distress for many parents while trying to navigate all the data and decide what is best for their families. But parents all want the same thing: for children: to feel loved, appreciated, respected, and understood, so they become healthy and happy members of society.

Sources: Psychology Today, NPR

 

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